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ARTICLE: Holiday Gifts for the Professional Caregiver

With the holidays a few weeks away (can you believe it?!), a question I'm always asked at this time of year is what is an appropriate gift to give to the person or people who make your loved one's life better, easier, or even possible? Frankly, I'm terrible about knowing what to give when there's a protocol. Therefore, to give you the best possible answer, I asked agencies, senior services companies and actual caregivers (in-home aides, assisted living/nursing home staff, etc) all over the country.

When asked about holiday gifts, the agencies and companies all said the same thing -- that employees are not supposed to accept gifts of "value". They all told me stories about families who thought that the aide was influencing the senior to give money or possessions. Unofficially, however, they also said that if the client wants to give a gift of cash or something else of value, it should be strictly between the client and the aide and not to mention it to the agency at all.

One thing everyone agreed on is that the best thank you is one from the heart -- a written note to the caregiver that truly expresses what s/he means to you and your loved one. And not just "thanks for everything" but something that lets them know that you appreciate them personally. No matter what else you give, the personal note is really critical. And, if you give a group gift, rather than addressing the note to "the night shift," for example, list each person individually by name. Another way to express your thanks is to write a letter to the agency/company letting them know how much the person is appreciated. Some companies have forms you can use but I think a personal note is best. Or you can do both!

I've always gone by the rules of the community or agency.   Not wanting to get anyone into trouble (which would pretty much defeat the purpose of the gift!!) we don't generally give cash (although we sometimes do). Instead, each year my sisters and I give a large basket of assorted cookies and/or candies. We give one basket to each shift and always write a card to each person on the shift -- including the housekeeping staff. Another personal way to go is to give individual packages. Gratitude Cookies (www.ZenRabbitCookies.com) is a lovely way to do that. Not only do they come with a lovely card to write what you're grateful for but the cookies are really good too! When my mother was in the assisted living community, she and I did the cards together. Within a few years, I would write them and she would sign them. Now I write them on her behalf. However, I think that even if your loved one writes cards, you also send a note of thanks and express what they mean to you as a family member.

If you want to give an actual gift, what would be appropriate? A lot of us are on a limited budget this year but fortunately, saying thank you isn't about how much you spend. The dollar amount or the cost of the gift doesn't have to be the issue. Give what you can afford.

In the past, gift certificates or store cards were a good option. Not this year, however, as there is no way of knowing which stores will be in business after the holidays! Having said that, however, there are cards you can give that probably will be okay for some time to come such as gift certificates purchased directly from a service provider such as a masseuse or a personal trainer. If you're not sure what specific service they would prefer, you can purchase gift certificates from online directories such as WellnessPossibilities.com (www.wellnesspossibilities.com) where certificates can be purchased for incremental dollar amounts and the recipient can redeem them for any of the services listed. Other options are cards good for public transportation (for example, good for 1 month, a gas card, pre-paid vouchers for cab fare or car service for a month, etc.)

That being said, cash is most appreciated. Is there a "right" amount? According to Barbara Salvador of Nanny Mama, whatever you're comfortable giving is the "right" amount. However, she suggests that a rule of thumb would be one week of salary for each year they work for you. If they have worked for you for less than 6 months then you can modify it appropriately but you'll probably want to give a minimum of $50 regardless of how long or short it's been. By the way, the gift would be based on what the aide makes, not what you pay the agency.

If you are not comfortable with giving cash or a cash equivalent, then by all means give a gift. This can be anything from cookies and candy to something more personal such as a purse, perfume, a sweater, gloves, etc. Giving the "right" gift requires that you and/or your aging loved one knows the person well enough to know what they would like. However, don't depend on your aging loved one giving you the answer -- especially if you ask them just before you head out to buy the gift. Instead, if your aging loved one doesn't have a ready suggestion, ask them to ask their aide about their memories of the holidays -- particular traditions or foods -- and then perhaps get that for them. Whatever you give, the best rule of thumb is to give whatever you want to give -- just keep it between you and the recipient and don't forget the personal note.

A final thought . . . Saying thank you shouldn't just happen at the holidays. Tell the caregivers how much you appreciate them throughout the year. Not only do they make your loved one's life better, they make yours better, too!

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