This picture was taken at one of the many 60th birthday celebrations I had -- and will continue to have well into April. The advantage of being born on March 31st . . . I get to celebrate all of March and all of April. Let the 2nd ½ of my life begin!

I've already told you the big AgeWiseLiving news -- that my radio show, Age Wise Living, will be starting on May 5th. I forgot to mention that it will be recorded live at 10a Eastern time (7a Western time). You can listen at VoiceAmerica.com. Don't worry, there will be lots more information shortly. In the meantime, please don't forget to send me all the suggestions you can think of for the shows. Thanks.

By the way, in anticipation of a weekly radio program, I will no longer be doing my monthly teleseminars. I will, however, be doing more live seminars and speaking engagements so if you are a member of an organization that would like to have me talk, please do contact me. Either call toll free (877) AGE-WISE or email me at Barbara@AgeWiseLiving.com.

ARTICLE: ELDERCARE DOESN'T HAVE TO BE ALL OR NOTHING

A lot of family members do not get involved in eldercare because they believe that if they do, they are stuck with doing whatever comes up. They believe they will have no choices. As a result, some refuse to get involved at all, others get involved and end up overwhelmed, angry, resentful, and guilty.

It doesn't have to be this way! We have the power and the right to decide what our involvement will be. However, it's important to recognize that it doesn't have to be all or nothing.

For example, a daughter whose father wants her to visit, refused to do so because, even though he has a paid caregiver, she's sure he's going to try to talk her into moving to take care of him. Up to now, the daughter has refused to have any involvement because she resents the assumption that it's her 'job'. She's also concerned that if she gets involved at all, she'll be sucked in to doing it all.

Maybe all he wants is to have his daughter visit so he can see her. Perhaps have his daughter visit so he can show his friends that his daughter cares about him. Or maybe she's right and he wants her to take care of him. Rather than refusing to have any involvement, however, she should clarify the involvement he wants and she is willing to have.

"You already have help so I know that's not what you need so I would like to visit as your daughter and just spend time with you. How does that sound?"

But what if you are already involved in eldercare -- whether you're just getting started or you are deeply involved.

To you I say, the moment you realize that your eldercare responsibilities have taken on a life of their own and that you're being swept away with the tide . . . STOP!

Take a step back and ask yourself some questions. For example:

	What kind of involvement you want.
	How much time and energy you can devote.
	Do you have to do everything?
	Is there a way to organize things so that it is more manageable? For example, if your aging loved one needs medication and needs it now, of course you're going to get it now. However, if it's an emergency because she knew she was running out of meds and did nothing about it . . . that's not ok. Instead of either suffering in resentful silence, have a conversation about setting up systems such as scheduling with the pharmacy, making lists so that everything can be picked up in one trip, etc.

When getting involved with eldercare, what, when, and how you are involved is not etched in stone. The fact is, your involvement is only good as long as it remains appropriate to the circumstances at hand -- yours and theirs. Establish that right up front and make sure everyone understands that the arrangements will be reviewed at a pre-agreed-upon time (a week, a month, or sooner if needs change). That way, as time goes on and more help is needed, you can revise the arrangements so that eldercare doesn't have to be all or nothing.

Upcoming Live Seminars

For information about how to attend an AgeWiseLiving seminar and upcoming dates and locations, please go to Seminars.

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