For a long time I've wanted to write about some of the special therapies available for people with dementia. This month's article is especially near and dear to my heart. It's written by Maya Benattar, the Music Therapist and the Margaret she writes about is my mother. This was a chapter in her thesis for graduate school. Think you'll find it fascinating.

Until next week . . . Have a terrific weekend.

PS> Have you listened to my teleseminar "The 13 Steps to Successfully Resolve Your Eldercare Issues & Finally Get a Good Night's Sleep!"? If not, I urge you to go to http://tinyurl.com/lxo4h7.

PPS> Do you remember the pictures of the baby ducks I sent in the May 28th newsletter? Thought you'd like to see what they look like today (just hanging with a few friends).

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THIS & THAT

Barbara Named "Leader in Elder Care"

I am absolutely thrilled and honored to have been named a Leader In Elder Care. According to their website (http://www.leadersineldercare.com), Leaders in Elder Care is dedicated to sharing with you the leaders behind the change in elder care. And we're doing it in a way that celebrates their leadership, their ideas and their drive to make things better for a new generation of seniors.

To listen, please go to http://www.leadersineldercare.com

Barbara Published

I'm delighted to tell you that my article "Top 10 Pitfalls to Avoid When Discussing Thorny Topics" was published in the 2009 Caregiver Solution magazine.

ARTICLE: "I'm Here With You": Music Therapy and Dementia

There are a variety of therapies to help people with dementia stay connected in some way. One that has always fascinated me is music therapy because people with dementia connect with music long after their other connections are gone. Rather than a "technical" article, I thought you'd enjoy this narrative more.

I first met Margaret in September 2007. A handsome woman in her 80's, Margaret has late-stage dementia, and is confined to a gerichair. The activity staff described her as a vibrant, active woman who loved animals, photography, and music. As her dementia progressed she was unable to engage in group activities.

I first met Margaret in the unit dayroom, where she was seated behind a table. Her eyes were unfocused, and she was gripping the table tightly, her entire body tensed. She constantly leaned to the left, and gripped anything she can in an effort to feel stable - whether it is a table, gerichair arms, or bedclothes. From our first meeting, where she sang with me and made frequent eye contact, I felt a deep urge to help her.

As our sessions continued, Margaret showed an ability to relax her body to my singing. She would often release her grip without prompting, though it took several minutes. This act of being so patient and present was hard for me, as I worked on the process of not looking for immediate results. I was touched when she began to hold my hand, it seemed that she was reaching out and looking for connection.

We continued in this vein for a while. Each week, I would gently bring Margaret to a quiet area of the unit, and sing familiar songs to her, such as "You Are My Sunshine" and "Take Me Out to the Ballgame". After a few minutes, she would make eye contact, deepen her breathing, and sometimes sing a phrase or two.

As the months went on, Margaret continued to decline. In January 2008, Margaret stopped singing and by March 2008 she stopped being able to play instruments, even with assistance. This was a turning point in my process, as I realized that in order to really connect with Margaret I had to tune into her body, her spirit, and her energy.

While she did not sing anymore, Margaret's body and breathing continued to respond to my voice. I stopped searching for eye contact, and found that she sought me out on her own. It was astounding to realize that an isolated person who has very little speech still wants to connect. Her awareness is still there, and comes out at the most unexpected moments, like when I sneezed in the middle of a song (despite my best efforts not to!) and she said "God bless you!" in a loud, clear voice. At that point, she had not spoken or sung in several months.

I realized that I was spending most of the session singing "You Are My Sunshine" to Margaret, and although I varied the tempo and volume, I was not really seeing her, or being with her. With some trepidation, I began to improvise vocally, singing lines like "Margaret, I see you" and "I'm here with you". I sang her name, stretching out the syllables or playing with the melodic contour. I began to feel a deeper connection with Margaret. I learned to remain grounded as she held my hand, to provide for her the comfort and stability she often seeks from inanimate objects. Through the use of my voice, I tried to communicate my self as a constant, nurturing source of energy. I visualize my voice as creating a therapeutic space for us. In essence, it is the thread that connects us as two individual people.

When Margaret was agitated or breathing heavily, I choose to tone, placing my hand gently on her, trying to impart a sense of peace and stability. I imagined us as two vibrating beings, and tried to honor that connection, while offering my energy to her. At those times, I felt it important maintain a "home tone", which is grounding for both of us. Wherever my melodies go, I return to the "home tone", which I believe symbolizes a return to the inner core of the body. The home tone also allowed me to keep my own energy, and not feel sapped. Toning often lead us to a quiet moment of looking at each other, which seemed so intimate and true.

It is important to note that although I stopped reaching and yearning for results, they continued to come. Looking back over my notes, I remember such deep, intimate moments of connection. The expressive raising of her eyebrows, the "mmm" she makes under her breath as if experiencing a moment of great pleasure, and her spontaneous chuckles are just a few. Sometimes, mid-way through a session, she released her body tension with a big "whoosh" of air, and began to breath in a more relaxed manner. Often her body remained relaxed and her hands did not re-clench for several minutes after a session. I valued these moments, not only because they justify my work and this new approach, but for the opportunity they provide for connection, humor, and exploration. It seemed that Margaret's spontaneous, whole self came out when she was given the time and space for such expression.

It was a deep, spiritual experience to work with Margaret. Through the spontaneity of voice, breath, and body, we connected. I feel that this connection honors the vibrant person she was. Working with Margaret continued to be a learning process for me, and I am greatly humbled for the experience.

Remember, if you're struggling to help your aging loved one, I urge you not to wait for a crisis to develop. Please call me toll-free at (877) AGE-WISE or email me at Barbara@AgeWiseLiving.com for a complimentary "get acquainted" conversation. I'm here to help!

Maya Benattar MA, MT-BC is a board-certified music therapist. She received a BS in Music Therapy from SUNY New Paltz and an MA in Music Therapy from New York University. She works with adults of various ages and diagnoses in a skilled nursing facility, and adults with autism in a day habilitation program. Her current clinical interests include the use of the voice, the relationship between music and language, and the use of music to address anxiety issues.

For more information about music therapy, please visit the American Music Therapy Association's website at www.musictherapy.org

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