I am on vacation! So far I've just arrived in San Francisco - the first stop on my trip - but I feel better already! Tomorrow I will be interviewing my friend's father for a new book I'm writing then just hanging until I get on the train on Sunday. I love vacation!

I have to say . . . I just cringe when people say to me "If my mother won't cooperate, I'll just go to court and have them make me her guardian. Then she'll have to do what I say." A guardianship or conservatorship should always be the option of last resort. In fact, that's why I became a Generational Coach and created The Ultimate Caregiver's Success System -- so it won't have to come to that! That's why I was so delighted to have Leanna Hamill, an elder law specialist, on my July 21st radio show to explain what a guardianship is, what a conservatorship is, why they are best to avoid, or if necessary, what you need to know to proceed appropriately. BTW -- to hear the entire show, just go to the Barbara's Radio Show or click the link at the end of the article.

Till next week, carpe diem!

PS> Reminder: My next Age Wise Living radio show on VoiceAmerica.com. The first show back will be Surviving Eldercare on September 1st at 10a Eastern time. Hope you can be there.

The Ultimate Caregiver's Success System

ARE YOU AN ELDERCARE PROVIDER?

If you found something that told you WHAT to do and HOW to do it so you could resolve your eldercare issues by choice, not crisis . . . you'd buy it . . . right?

ARTICLE: When Driving a Car is a Perilous Proposition for Your Parents: The Signs to Look for and What You Should Do

I floored the gas pedal. My head whiplashed. How fast the car was going I'm uncertain, but it must have been at least 50 MPH in less than 10 seconds. It required a bit of effort, but I took my foot off the gas, momentarily coasted, then jammed on the brake pedal as hard as I could and swerved hard to the right attempting to avoid an oncoming car. A pretty harrowing experience!

If only my reaction time had been a split-second quicker. And, if only my neck, legs and arms had the range of motion they once had when I was younger. Not to mention my eyesight. I couldn't see the traffic signal very well.

Fortunately, I was driving on a closed-course track at Rentschler Field in East Hartford CT and, at all times, was in the comforting presence of a professional defensive driver from Liberty Mutual and was following his instructions.

But the scenario I just described is not unlike what many elderly drivers may experience when they are operating a motor vehicle. Impaired vision, diminished flexibility and reduced reaction time is a deadly recipe for any driver no matter what age he or she may be.

My ordeal that day at the closed-course track opened my eyes, literally, to the perils of driving that many seniors may experience. I was a fitted with a specially-designed "senior simulator" suit and special vision-impairing glasses to help simulate the effects of aging on my driving ability.

At 61, I am in reasonably good health. My range of motion is average for my age. My reaction time, although slowed from what it used to be when I was 28 years old, remains good. And my eyesight is 20-20 with glasses. The notion that someday I might have to surrender permanently the driver seat for the passenger seat is not on my radar screen.

The issue of when a person should stop driving can be filled with emotion and, if not handled properly, can lead to a dispute among family members that can unravel a relationship to its very core.

My father-in-law was in his late seventies when it became abundantly evident that driving a car would not only place him in peril, but other nearby drivers and pedestrians. We think he sensed it himself that the days of tooling around town were nearing an end. It was only after my wife and her brother sat down and talked with him that he agreed to give up the car keys. Interestingly, though, he refused to give up the car. For two years the car remained in the garage before it was finally sold.

My uncle was 83 at the time when he was not longer able to safely drive a car. Despite pleadings from his adult children, he strongly resisted turning over the keys. Finally, he relented, but only when his wife refused to be a passenger anymore if he was behind the wheel. Tough lady, my aunt. Good for her.

Friends in Michigan are, right now, dealing with the same issue with their 80-year-old father. I know the man. He's a terrific guy, although more stubborn than a mule when it comes to heeding the warning signs about driving. Here's a guy who routinely falls, had a hip replacement, and has the range of motion of a stale pretzel.

These three examples can be repeated unfortunately thousands of times across the nation.

For example, I received this email from Marie who faced a very similar situation. Marie writes:

Yes this can be a very difficult step to take with your elderly parents. I am one of five children; our mother turned 79 in January of 09. About 5 years ago she was diagnosed with "pre-Alzheimer's." She was having mishaps with driving just prior to this time, knocking off the side mirrors, running into things taking a corner into a driveway to sharp, etc.

So she fought long and hard to keep the freedom to drive, especially since she was mostly self sufficient and lived alone. Other family drama and circumstances occurred to create the need to finally take the keys for good. Then, we worked in coordination as a family, with her primary care doctor, and, at that time, part-time care givers, to encourage her to not drive. We only allowed her to drive with one of us in the car. This was oftentimes a nerve racking experience. Then, unbeknownst to her, because we notified the Dept. of Motor Vehicles, in our state, and sent a letter from her doctor which stated she should no longer drive, they revoked her license, but it stated she could get it back upon passing a driving test. Well, that was over 6 months ago and she no longer talks about re-taking her test, much less studying for it.

My suggestion is that the family members, as well as close friends, must work together and continue to communicate to the person the safety of the situation, AND work out other options, public transportation, care givers, friends to take them to church, etc. It is a tough thing to take away this "right," but I feel that the responsibility lies with those closest to the elderly driver, (even if this means close friends), as in our experience, the elderly person themselves is usually NOT willing to stop driving. You have to be willing to create a bad effect on them in order to save their life and the lives of others on the road."

The Warning Signs