Hope you had a wonderful Labor Day weekend. It was cool and crisp here in the northeast and I'm loving it! From the look of the first picture (Central Park over the weekend), I wasn't the only one loving it! The second picture is the first sign of Fall. Only a tiny clump of fall foliage in a sea of green but it is a start of my favorite season . . . Fall/Winter/Spring!

Today I'm presenting a seminar -- "Bridging the Generations" -- for the coordinators, directors, and specialists at the Town of Hempstead Department of Senior Enrichment. I just love doing this program and I know it will prove really valuable for the staff too. By the way . . . if you know of a company or organization that wants to help their employees or members address their eldercare issues, please have them give me a call or send me their contact information and I'll contact them. Remember, eldercare affects people regardless of their gender, profession, or economic status.

Until next week, enjoy!

PS> Are you on Facebook or Twitter? If so, I'd love to have you 'friend' me and AgeWiseLiving. That way you can get the latest news and have lots to share with your followers about AgeWiseLiving, the AgeWiseLiving newsletter, my radio show, etc. A whole new world!

The Ultimate Caregiver's Success System

ARE YOU AN ELDERCARE PROVIDER?

If you found something that told you WHAT to do and HOW to do it so you could resolve your eldercare issues by choice, not crisis . . . you'd buy it . . . right?

ARTICLE: Holistic Eldercare

Being a caregiver is not for the faint of heart. It takes lots of strength, stamina, love and commitment to stay the course. The role of caregiver challenges us and requires that we marshal both our practical, hands-on skills and our inner resources.

Most caregivers are female, with an average age of 46. The continuum of caregiving encompasses an adult child living in another state on one end, and one who lives with her parent on the other.

It's a tough role for many reasons. As women we often over function in our effort to be everything to everyone. Male caregivers tend to be better at delegating and at recognizing the limits to what can be accomplished. We could take a page from their book.

When we aren't able to manage everything we feel we're somehow lacking. That's when the trouble begins. Many of us are wracked by painful emotions over our caregiving role - caught in a cycle of guilt for not doing more, resentment of all we have to do, then more guilt for feeling resentful and angry. As strong women our most important lesson is often: It's okay to ask for help and support.

I firmly believe that making our own wellbeing a priority is the most meaningful action we can take as caregivers. Including ourselves in our appointment schedule, (literally), ensures that we'll get the time we need to care for ourselves in body, mind and spirit. In turn we are much better caregivers, partners, mothers and employees, so everyone wins.

A holistic approach to caregiving means that we view ourselves and our parent in an integrated way rather than as only a physical body, or just a brain. It connects us with our spirit - wherever we are and whatever we're doing. We can feed our spirit in simple ways such as walking in the woods, playing with young children, or attending formal services at our church, mosque or synagogue.

When we fill our hearts in this way we're able to step back and get more perspective on our lives . . .on the changes we need to make so we can conserve our energy and lead healthful, joyful lives. Our life will seem simpler and we'll go through our days feeling calmer and gentler.

Here are some tips to make your life as an eldercare provider easier:

Dealing with challenging parents: Each parent-child dynamic is different; there's no simple answer. Setting firm, consistent, respectful boundaries with a difficult parent may yield surprising, positive responses - even from elders with dementia!

Beliefs about Alzheimer's and other dementias: What I've learned from my experience with my mother is that a person with Alzheimer's or another form of dementia still retains their personality; they're very much their old self on the inside even though they can't express themselves as they did before. Dr. Peter Whitehouse, author of The Myth of Alzheimer's, advocates working with the person's strengths instead of focusing on the abilities they've lost.

Caregivers who live with their parent are usually on call 24/7, and the demands of their role often rob them of their health and vitality, resulting in depression, stress, anxiety or heart disease. Daily help is a necessity if the caregiver is to engage fully in her role and retain her health and happiness. Skilled, impartial professionals can assist her in assessing when it's time for her family member to go into care.

Caregiving from afar, or 'suitcase caregiving' is also a heavy stress. The adult daughter tries to put everything in place during her 'flying visits', and often worries and feels guilty about her parent when she's not with them. Communication is a vital component to the success of our parent's care. A skilled and caring professional care manager can keep in close touch with the caregiver who's far away and set her mind at ease by overseeing all aspects of the parent's care. Regular phone visits between daughter and parent keep the connection alive.

Cooperation among siblings: It's the rare family where adult siblings don't have some historical relationship issues. Therefore it's important to do our utmost to respect one another's opinions and to pull together during this emotional time. The more specific the primary caregiver is able to be about what help is needed, the better the outcome will be, as other siblings may not understand exactly what is necessary. Adult children who aren't able to do hands-on care can still provide many things, such as money management, liaison with professionals, and funds for practical caregiving tasks.

We grow as human beings when we're caregivers. We can adapt to this new role in ways that allow us to thrive, not deplete our internal resources. We're the only ones that can change the way we manage as caregivers and we owe it to ourselves to do so.

Ellen Besso is a Life Coach, counselor and writer who's work embodies her core belief in spirituality as part of everyday life. Ellen is the caregiver for her mother who has Alzheimer's. She is the author of Surviving Eldercare: Where Their Needs End and Yours Begin, an holistic book written to support and guide women caring for elderly parents. Surviving Eldercare will be released in print soon and can be purchased through her website: www.ellenbesso.com.

Remember, if you're struggling to help your aging loved one, I urge you not to wait for a crisis to develop. Please call me toll-free at (877) AGE-WISE or email me at Barbara@AgeWiseLiving.com for a complimentary "get acquainted" conversation. I'm here to help!