Greetings to all!

As the year races to a close, I find myself wondering (as I do every year at this time), how did we get here so fast!!!!!

It's been a very busy and rewarding year, both personally and, thanks to all of you, professionally as well. And, this year I did a pretty good job of keeping my new year's resolution - to stop long enough to appreciate the good things as they were happening! Living in the present isn't easy but it made for a really wonderful year!

This month's article looks at the next part of the '2-Step Process to Agreement'. As many of you know, it's not always easy to talk with your aging loved ones. Hopefully your preliminary conversations turned out well and you're ready to expand on them and find out what your aging loved ones truly want so you can plan and prepare by choice, not crisis.

However, these are very difficult issues and it's ok to ask for help. That's what I'm here for! If you or someone you know is struggling and already overwhelmed and exhausted by escalating eldercare issues, please contact me. Generational Coaching can help you resolve these issues once and for all. Give the gift of love. Resolve these issues and start off 2006 with your eldercare issues under control.

Until next time, I wish you joyous and peaceful holiday and I'll "see" you in '06!

ARTICLE: DETERMINING WHAT YOUR AGING LOVED ONES TRULY WANT

As you may remember from previous newsletters, "THE 2-STEP PROCESS TO AGREEMENT" is a process that consists of 1) helping your aging loved ones determine what they want, and 2) helping them get it.

We began by looking at who your aging loved ones are and where they're coming from as a generation - the values, attitudes, and expectations from both their Victorian and Depression era experiences (thus "Vicky-D's"). We then looked at where they're coming from emotionally and, through conversations, who your Vicky-D's are as unique individuals.

Hopefully these conversations turned out well and in the process, that your aging loved one(s) realized that they can have enjoyable conversations with you without any consequences! This will help as you proceed to the next part of the process - finding out what your aging loved one(s) truly want.

So, how do you find out what they truly want? You ask them!

However, rather than asking "what do you want" - which implies the need for a decision and may get a response neither of you wants - ask them instead to do a simple and fun exercise. Ask them to make a list of what they want for the 3rd half of their life. The purpose of this exercise (in addition to having fun) is for you to discover an overall "theme" - the basis for helping them get what they truly want.

To make it easier for you, I've created a worksheet and you can download a copy by clicking on: "What I Want For The 3rd Half of My Life". Then, with worksheet in hand, ask your aging loved one to fill it out.

To be successful, in addition to the instructions with the worksheet, here are a few other things to keep in mind:

1. It's easier and more fun when everyone is relaxed and having a good time. To that end, let your previous conversations be your guide. For example:
   • What setting worked best? (At home? In a restaurant? While driving? An evening out with "the girls" or "the boys"?)
   • What time of day and day of the week was best?
   • Was it better to talk with your parents together or will they be more honest and forthcoming if you talk separately? (If you're not sure - approach them separately.)
     
     
2. This exercise is intended to be fun - not an "assignment'. Encourage them to forget about practical considerations such as their health, money, or responsibilities and to think "outrageously"!! (One client's bedridden mother put 'learn to belly dance' on her list!)
   
   
3. If they have trouble getting started, help trigger their memory by asking about things they mentioned during previous conversations.
   
   
4. Work together on the list only to get them started. Once the ball gets rolling, encourage them to continue working on their list alone.
   
   
5. During this conversation, agree on a date to get back together and look at the list - long enough for them to daydream, reflect, and remember but not so long that the exercise is forgotten. (A few days? A few weeks?)
   
   To get the best results, it's also important to remember that the purpose of this exercise is to allow you to discover an overall theme - not to make decisions or judgments. Therefore,
   
   
6. While they're talking, listen to what they're saying and how they're saying it - rather than how it's making you feel, whether it's what you want to hear, formulating a response, or how to change their mind.
   
   
7. This is a "desire" list - not a to-do list - so resist the urge to try to get them to start doing anything on the list now.
   
   
8. Also resist the urge to suggest things that you think they "should" put on their list such as moving so they won't have to worry about maintenance or having a driver. They'll see right through that and will most likely derail the entire process.
   
   And finally -
   
   
9. ENJOY!!!

Once the worksheet is completed, you will have the raw data as to what your aging loved one truly wants. Next month we'll look at how to evaluate and utilize the information to help your aging loved ones help themselves.

YOUR "STEP 1" ASSIGNMENT:

While your aging loved ones are writing what they want for the 3rd half of their lives, complete this exercise yourself. Not only is it a great way to encourage them, it's also an exercise I think you will enjoy - and perhaps even find enlightening!

FYI . . . AgeWiseLiving™

Are you or someone you know in an eldercare crisis now and need immediate results? Have you already experienced a crisis and can't afford the added time, cost, and stress that going from crisis to crisis brings? Do you see a crisis looming and want to resolve it with the least amount of time, money, and frustration? Are you concerned about your aging loved one and want to plan and prepare so you can eliminate obstacles before there's a crisis? If so, contact me to see how Generational Coaching can help you resolve your eldercare issues by choice, not crisis. For more information, please go to www.AgeWiseLiving.com or call me toll-free at (877) AGE-WISE.

Upcoming Seminars

For lots more information about this and many other important eldercare issues, attend an AgeWiseLiving seminar. For upcoming dates and locations, please go to Seminars. Space is filling fast, though, so reserve your space now!

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