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Throughout the years I've met lots of family members who were facing - and dreading - talking with aging parents about thorny topics. They wisely wanted to talk with their aging parent before a crisis - many even scrunched up their courage and tried. Sadly, many also failed . . . and dropped the subject until there was a crisis and then . . . what a mess! Sound familiar?
With Mother's Day presenting an opportunity to talk and since resolving thorny issues is a lot easier before a crisis, here are three pitfalls to avoid - plus a bonus - to start you off and get you successfully on your way. PITFALL #1) NOT RESPECTING THE GENERATIONAL AND EMOTIONAL DIFFERENCES
The fact is that generational attitudes and emotional perspectives matter . . . a lot. But too often family members think that because we come from the same family we think the same way. That's just not true! Our parent's generation is very different from ours and understanding and respecting how they view the world and feel about it emotionally is critical to your success. (For more information about our parent's generational and emotional perspectives, please check out the October and November '05 newsletters. PITFALL #2) THINKING YOUR CONCERN IS ENOUGH OF A REASON FOR A CHANGE.
Concern is good. Anticipating potential problems is great! However, before jumping in with both feet, ask yourself if your concern requires change and if so, does it require change now? If the answer to this question is 'yes', then please do proceed! If the answer is 'no' then start talking with your elderly parent about your concern for the future, not the need for change now.
PITFALL #3) ADDRESSING THE SYMPTOMS RATHER THAN THE CAUSE
For example: your father has had a couple of fender-benders so you want to take away the car. But before you do, ask yourself if the problem is with his driving or could it be something else such as a problem with his eyes? In other words, before doing anything, investigate and analyze all the symptoms until you find the root cause. BONUS PITFALL #4) NOT PICKING YOUR BATTLES
Some problems need to be addressed immediately such as a diabetic eating chocolate. But stepping in because an elderly parent with no health issues eats a lot of chocolate may not only be unnecessary but possibly damaging to the relationship. Too much 'nudging' - even with the best intentions - could get you shut out completely. Therefore, before stepping in, ask yourself: How urgent is the issue? Does it require change? How much change is necessary? Pick the most immediate and/or urgent issue and then proceed with care.
Afraid you're headed for your own communication meltdown and want to avoid one before it starts? Why not work with Barbara & Generational Coaching and start off on the right track right from the beginning! To find relief and resolve your eldercare issues by choice, not crisis, please call me toll-free (877) AGE-WISE or email me at Barbara@AgeWiseLiving.com for a complimentary "get acquainted" conversation. I'm here to help! 
Upcoming Seminars For lots more information about this and
many other important eldercare issues, attend an AgeWiseLiving
seminar. For upcoming dates and locations, please go to Seminars.
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