Happy June!

June . . . . graduations, weddings, and the start of summer!! Do you have big plans for the summer? I'm heading off to Chicago for the July 4th week. I'm going to be speaking for a group called "Continuity of Care" on July 3rd - a group that promotes the concept of continuity of care as both an essential part of health care and patient care. A cool part about the trip is that, even though I love planes, I'm going to take a train both ways so I can visit friends on the way out and back. Hope I still love trains when the trip is done!!!!

Hope you had a really wonderful Mother's Day. Now it's Dad's turn so Happy Father's Day all you Dads out there! Have a blast!

And speaking of Father's Day . . . if over Mother's or Father's Day you notice things about your Mom or Dad that worry you, give yourself a gift - the gift of peace of mind - because that's what Generational Coaching provides. To find answers and resolve your eldercare issues by choice, not crisis, please call me toll-free (877) AGE-WISE or email me at Barbara@AgeWiseLiving.com for a complimentary "get acquainted" conversation. I'm here to help!

Until next month, be well,

ARTICLE: It's Really Not "All About Me!"

Some time ago I brought up an issue with my doctor and I was stunned when he became extremely defensive. His response was all about how my issue affected him. As a result, the problem was not recognized as a symptom of something serious until it had gotten much worse. In addition, because of the exchange, I was reluctant to bring up other things because I was afraid of what his reaction might be. I'm going to another practitioner now, of course, but I think about it often when I work with my Generational Coaching clients.

For example, a daughter called me recently because she needed to get her father to stop driving. She told me she had thought about talking with him earlier but she dreaded how the conversation might go. She worried how it would make her feel telling him something she knew he didn't want to hear and especially concerned that he might get angry with her and refuse to talk with her about anything. As a result, she didn't say anything and now his driving was a serious problem.

Like the doctor, it's pretty normal for people, regardless of age or circumstances, to look at the world from the perspective of how it affects them personally such as how a co-worker's illness is going to make my work load heavier or how a train derailment is going to affect my commute.

However, also like the doctor, if it's "all about me", they won't have an opportunity to hear what the other person is saying. Worse yet, they might just stop talking all together. Serious when it's a doctor and potentially serious when it's a conversation you and your aging parent need to have.

As my client and I worked together, I helped her look at situation from her father's point of view and we even scripted conversations to ensure they would go well. To her amazement, it turned out that her father was concerned about his driving too, but he was anxious about how the conversation would affect him! He worried that she might get upset and simply take the car away and leave him stranded at home - so he didn't talk with her either!

So to be successful with any conversation, it's important to resist the urge to think about how the conversation might affect you and look at it from the other person's perspective. To get the conversation going with your elderly parent, ask them questions. For example, "What do you see as you look ahead to a time when you're not comfortable driving any more", and then really listen to what s/he says. It may take some time for them to think of an answer so allow for "dead air" - periods of silence. And if s/he says something that makes you uncomfortable, instead taking it personally - about how it affects you - ask clarifying questions such as "Give me an example . . . " or "Explain what you mean". Once the conversation goes from "it's all about me" to "it's all about you", you can open the lines of communication and work together to plan and prepare for the future.

Upcoming Seminars

For lots more information about this and many other important eldercare issues, attend an AgeWiseLiving seminar. For upcoming dates and locations, please go to Seminars.

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