There are a lot of conversations that need to be had between seniors and their families. . . to get them to stop driving, to move out of their home, to get their health and/or finances in order, to name a few.
These are important conversations to have. Unfortunately, many families don't have necessary conversations and pay a heavy price.
Eldercare Effects Your Work:
Parents are much older, often frailer and often living away from their adult children. As a result, elder caregiving employees miss more days (absenteeism) and have more interruptions at work (presenteeism) because of family responsibilities than other employees – affecting their health, finances, and family and social life.
Eldercare Effects Your Finances:
According to a 1997 MetLife Institute survey, 49% of Baby Boomer women caregivers (and let’s face it . . . eldercare is primarily a “women’s issue”) suffered “financial hardship” as a result of their caregiving. In addition:
- Women caregivers who return to full-time employment after caregiving are more likely to earn lower wages, have a “benefit-poor” job, and receive reduced retirement benefits.
- In addition to loss of salary, benefits, pension, and social security, most caregivers also help with out-of-pocket expenses such as food, transportation, medication, equipment (such as wheel chairs, safety bars, etc) and consumable supplies.
- An additional 30% will supplement family care with assistance from paid providers.
Eldercare Effects Your Health:
- Higher levels of depression, anxiety, and other mental health challenges are common among women who care for an older relative or friend.
- One four-year study found that middle-aged and older women who provided care for an ill or disabled spouse were almost six times as likely to suffer depressive or anxious symptoms as were those who had no caregiving responsibilities.
- And it’s not just depression. The physical impact of providing care can lead to long-term care needs for the caregiver.
As devastating as these facts are, there are probably a lot of good reasons why you and your aging loved one don't talk.
Here's a list of just a few of the reasons I've heard from some eldercare givers:
||We're in different cities and it's hard to talk - let alone about difficult subjects - on the phone.
||We're not all that close.
|Our conversations always end in an argument. |
| I'm a daughter and my father won't talk to me about finances.|
| My parents are healthy and very independent so they don't want to talk with any of us kids about their plans.|
|My mother is on Social Security so what's the point of talking?|
|If I talk with my mother about sticky issues, I'll have to do all the work.|
|My mother gets upset when I bring up anything "uncomfortable."|
|My mom thinks if she even thinks about advanced planning she will die.|
|I really don't think my mother trusts me.|
|No matter what I ask, my father says it's none of my business.|
|My mother listens, agrees with everything I say, and then when I say it's time to do it, she says she has no idea what I'm talking about! But I know she does because I hear her talking with her friends.
These may well be true for you too but the reasons you should talk far outweigh the reasons not to.
You may well have tried and failed but that
can't be the reason you stop trying!
As a member of the AgeWiseLiving family, you probably know that I became a Generational Coach as a result of being a care manager for more than 25 years -- first for grandmother for many years and, for the past 17 years, for mother who had very advanced dementia.
It was always easy to work with my grandmother because we were very close. Even if she didn't agree, she always trusted my judgment and we could always talk.
With my mother, however, it wasn't easy at all because, to be honest, we weren't all that close. However, initially my mother was thankful for my help -- especially with her finances. (Like many women of her generation, my father handled all the finances.)
As time went on and I had to get more involved, it got more and more difficult to get her to cooperate -- especially with issues she didn't want to discuss such as getting her to stop driving and moving her into an assisted living community.
Soon I discovered that finding the answers and getting someone else to do what needs to be done were 2 very different things!
The good news, however, is that communicating with your aging parents is really not that hard once you break the code!
THIS IS THE CRITICAL PIECE!
Remember those reasons why you and your aging loved one haven't talked that we looked at in the beginning? Those are reasons why you haven't talked yet -- not why you can't talk.
As valid as those reasons may be -- and you can talk and I will teach you how!
I've spent a lot of time over the past 10 years talking about the generational differences and about the impact of emotions on our aging loved one's ability to work with their adult children and make good decisions. But for obvious reasons, I couldn't write about who your aging loved one is as an individual because, as I said before, every single person is different.
The key to your success is knowing who your aging loved one is as an individual -- their own unique history and personality.
Why is this so important?
It's important because we all experience life differently. I have 2 sisters. We are each of us 2 years apart so how we experienced the same situation should be very similar. Not so! Each of us experienced the same situations entirely differently. In fact, sometimes I wonder if we even grew up in the same family!
“But they’re my parents –
of course I know who they are!
You may know the facts of who they are but the key is to interpret the facts and then put the facts together with how that impacts them on an emotional level (as well as how your experiences effect you on an emotional level).
The problem is, when you try to talk with an emotional person, communication breaks down or blows up!
When you’re frustrated, perhaps your family and friends say “don’t get so emotional”. Perhaps you've even said this to your parents when the conversation got emotional. Sure . . . easy to say but hard to do!
So what do you do? To successfully talk with your parents, you must get above the emotion. And, you must help your aging parents get above the emotion.
By understanding and respecting where both of you are coming from generationally, emotionally, and as individuals.
By adapting your communication style to theirs (after all, you’re the one that wants to talk!
And by presenting the issue in such a way that your aging loved one can see that the right decision is in their best interest.
You need to talk with your aging parents and love The Ultimate Caregiver's Success System but . . .
- Time is of the essence. You’re pressed for time and you need a jump-start to get started NOW
- Perhaps you want to make sure you have a firm foundation AND You want the country’s leading generational Coach to get you off to a sure start AND support you throughout the process
For these reasons – and lots more – I created the LifeTalks™ program to get you off to a good, solid, CONFIDENT start AND support you along the way!
I want to share this wonderful success story with you:
“The last thing I wanted was a confrontation with my Dad about not driving. I’ve been putting it off for months and since he had already stopped driving at night, I thought it would be ok. Besides, I’m dealing with my own issues right now so frankly I didn’t want to spend my own money on something I didn’t want to do anyway!
Unfortunately, Dad sideswiped another car and hurt himself and the other driver. Suddenly, at the worst possible time, I had to fly to Florida to sort it all out.
I knew this was too important to mess up so I signed up for your “LifeTalks” program last Friday. I had my 1-on-1 Generational Coaching session with you on Monday and left on Tuesday with an actual script for talking with Dad.
For the first time in months I felt calm and confident. With every one of his objections, I could hear your voice telling me just what to say and it worked! The best part is that one of the solutions we talked about if he didn’t have a car was moving into a senior community and he did! He already had friends at this one place and he was suddenly eager to get there. I extended my stay by one day and he’s all moved in. I’ll go back next month to close up his apartment but the hard part is over. I’m still in a daze it! Thank you, thank you, thank you! ”
We all have enough "stuff" going on . . . enough "drama" to last us a lifetime!
I want you to be successful in the shortest amount of time, in the most cost effective way, and in the easiest way possible.
So I took everything I learned from my 25+ years of personal experience and everything I learned in my 10+ years of private Generational Coaching practice and created the
When you sign up for the LifeTalks program
you will get:
1. An In-Depth Evaluation of who your own aging loved one is as a unique individual.
Based on your responses to 4 simple questions, I will give you an in-depth picture of your aging loved one -- who s/he is as an individual.
And if you are working with 2 parents, you will get an in-depth portrait of both.
2. Specific Recommendations for communicating with your unique aging loved one(s).
The interpretation of the responses to your questions is extremely important but knowing what to do with that information is the key to your success.
In fact, THIS ELEMENT ALONE IS WORTH THE COST OF THE ENTIRE PROGRAM!
AND . . . this information will be recorded so you can refer back to it any time you want!
"I thought I knew my mother but no matter what I said, it was like throwing gas on a flame! Then you helped me know who she really is. When I saw her from her perspective, suddenly she not only came around -- she actually thought the solutions were her idea. I can't thank you enough!"
3. ONE 1-Hour Generational Coaching session with me so you can learn how to apply what we've learned to your individual issues.
During this PRIVATE PRIVATE Generational Coaching session you will
- determine the best solutions to your specific issues
- learn who your aging loved one is as a unique individual
- receive the specific recommentations and learn how to apply them as you introduce the conversations and help them come up and embrace the resolutions you need
- And remember . . . this will be recorded so you can refer back to the information any time you want.
4. 2 ADDITIONAL 15 minute Generational Coaching Sessions - to keep you on track and answer any additional questions you might have. And. . . you can use these 2 additional sessions any time up to a year after we start working together!
5. The Ultimate Caregiver's Success System so you can continue the process at your own pace.
"Thank you for your caring and understanding help to arrange care for our parents. You really helped my sister and me with what to anticipate when we had to speak with them about difficult decisions, and prepared us with what to say and do to be most effective. It was much easier than I thought it would be to get my father to agree to making some changes. Making changes is never easy, so having supportive help along the way is a wonderful thing."
--L.S. & D.S.
|6. Membership in an exclusive Online Support Group so that group members can support each other during and after the program.
|7. Additional 1-on-1 Generational Coaching sessions available for purchase to be used in 15, 30, or 45 minute increments. Purchase as many as you need and use them when you need to.
"Dealing with complex issues is not an easy task! After working with you I had a clearer picture of how to approach some very difficult situations and armed with the tools you provided, everything got resolved and we're all still talking to each other! Thank you for your time and compassion -- it made all the difference and was greatly appreciated."
Because I know what you're going through, I want to help you get the results you need right now.
So don't worry . . . You can get started the minute you sign up!
SO JUST TO RECAP . . . .
|With the "LifeTalks" program you'll get . . .
||An In-Depth Evaluation of who your own aging loved one is as a unique individual.
||Specific Recommendations for communicating with your unique aging loved one(s)
||ONE 1-Hour Generational Coaching session with me
||2 ADDITIONAL 15 minute Generational Coaching Sessions
||The Ultimate Caregiver's Success System
| Membership in an exclusive Online Support Group
||Additional Generational Coaching sessions available
|Discounts on all AgeWiseLiving products|
OK . . . sounds great! How do I join the
"LifeTalks" program ?
2 "EZ" INSTALLMENTS
NOW - in honor of AgeWiseLiving's 10th Anniversary
NOW - in honor of AgeWiseLiving's 10th Anniversary
2 Equal Installments:
You will save money when you make just 1 payment of $997 but I want to make sure you are able to start now so I'm also offering this program in 2 "EZ" installments.
Start Resolving Your Eldercare Issues By Choice, Not Crisis NOW!
Register today by clicking one of the buttons below.
YES, I WANT TO REGISTER SO I CAN START MY LifeTalks NOW at the special
AgeWiseLiving 10th Anniversary price !
ONE PAYMENT OF $997
CALL BARBARA at
|2 "EZ" INSTALLMENT PAYMENTS of $525 each
(billed 30 days apart)
CALL BARBARA at