Dear AgeWiseLiving Friends,

Hard to believe that the year is half over already! I don't know about you but the first half of the year flew by for me. In addition to a growing Generational Coaching client base, (thank you all for your referrals!), I have been doing a lot of speaking to associations & groups and in May I was a presenter at the Assisted Living Federation of America convention in Chicago. (Over 500 people attended the session which, I'm very pleased to report, was very well received!) and I've been traveling far and wide doing lots of seminars. (Please click Seminars for dates and to see if there's one scheduled in your area.)

On the home front, my mother is now settled into a lovely nursing home where she's very happy and receives wonderful care. Sadly, her dementia has reached the point where, although I look familiar to her, she can't quite place who I am. However, she's always happy to see me and our time together (mostly spent watching and discussing the fish in the fish tank) is very pleasant.

Given her current condition, I am constantly reminded how fortunate we both are that she took care of all of her quality-of-life-protecting documents while she was still able to. As her agent for her Health Care Proxy and Power of Attorney, her advanced planning allows me to make sure she gets the best care possible - and can pay for it! And because she also discussed her wishes with my sisters, I have their support when I have to make difficult decisions. Unfortunately, this isn't the case for everyone.

Have you tried to get your elderly parent(s) to discuss their legal documents only to get the response "Don't worry, I'm leaving everything to you." - or you can't get them to talk at all? If so, you're not alone!

Why is this so common? Probably because, when approaching aging parents about their legal documents, most people immediately think money and start by asking about their Will.

Since a Will determines how assets will be passed along at death, when you start there - especially with members of the Depression-Era Generation - they are likely to misinterpret your concern and think you're only interested in their money. Since for many of them discussing money or death is difficult or taboo, they simply shut down.

So a more productive way to start the "dreaded discussion" - and show your genuine concern - is to begin with a non-financial issue that affects them while they're alive - their health care documents. The name of these documents differ from state to state, but in New York State, they're called a Living Will and a Health Care Proxy - or collectively, Advance Directives. Advance Directives allow people to plan now what health care they would want while they're still alive but unable to communicate their wishes themselves.

To get you started, here are the top 4 most common "myths" and responses from a list I've compiled for my Generational Coaching clients. (Don't worry, I'll send more in upcoming newsletters.) These responses should help you clarify the issues and reduce the resistance you may encounter.

However, I'm not a lawyer. I have made every effort to make sure the information is accurate. (Thank you elder law attorney, Natalie J. Kaplan, Elder Law on Wheels, for your contribution to this newsletter.) However, nothing in this newsletter should be construed as legal advice. And, as is so often the case, laws and terminology differ from state to state and each state regulates the use of advance directives differently. so be sure to check this information for your state.

MYTH: If I have a Living Will or Health Care Proxy, I will lose control of my life.
No - in fact these documents allow you to keep control over your life. Through your Living Will and Health Care Proxy (collectively known as Advance Directives) you decide now what health care treatment you do or do not wish to receive when - and only when - you are unable to make decisions yourself.

MYTH: If I can't make decisions for myself, my family will automatically be able to step in.
With the new Health Insurance Portability and Accountability Act ("HIPAA") (which became effective about a year ago), doctors, hospitals, and other healthcare providers are prohibited or severely restricted from discussing a patient's health information with others - including spouses and immediate family members - even during a medical crisis. (You may not know the name, but you probably signed a HIPAA form at your doctor's office.) Because HIPAA is so new, it is still being defined. While in some states and/or under some circumstances your family may be able to step in, you are far better served by getting your Advance Directives in place rather than taking the risk and paying the cost of being a test case.

MYTH: The Living Will and the Health Care Proxy are the same thing so I don't need both.
They are alike in that both allow you to make known your wishes as to what health care treatment you do or do not want to receive and neither takes effect until you are unable to make decisions yourself. However, each offers something the other doesn't.

A Health Care Proxy (known in some states as a durable power of attorney for health care, healthcare power of attorney) ensures a more flexible form of decision making. It allows you to appoint someone as your Agent or Personal Representative to be your advocate - to ask questions, look for alternatives, make any and all health care decisions on your behalf - except to the extent you indicate otherwise - and make sure your wishes are carried out.

A Living Will (known in some states as a directive to physicians, health care declaration, medical directive, instruction directive, wishes for terminal illness) is the "instruction manual" for your Health Care Agent and/or others involved with your care. It further reinforces for your Agent and medical staff what care and treatment you do or do not want to receive and can ease the burden of decision making. If your Agent's decisions are challenged, the Living Will can provide evidence that your Agent is acting in good faith and according to your wishes. A Living Will is especially important if you don't have anyone to serve as your Agent or if s/he becomes unavailable or unwilling to serve.

MYTH: I'm too young to need Advance Directives.
A serious accident can happen to anyone at any age so every adult over the age of 18 should have Advance Directives.

I hope this information helps you open the lines of communication for further planning discussions (and encourages you to create these documents for yourself!)

As you begin your conversations, I'd love to hear how it's going. Please send me your comments and non-legal questions. (If you have any questions about any legal issues, I encourage you to contact an attorney - preferably an elder law specialist.)

Until next time,
Barbara

And remember, if you're frustrated and worn out by eldercare issues that never seem to get settled, call today to schedule a complementary get-acquainted conversation to see how Generational Coaching^® can help you resolve your eldercare issues once and for all!

And since all Generational Coaching^® is by phone, the only question is how quickly you want or need to get your issues settled - no matter what time zone you're in.