Greetings to all!

A special welcome to all new subscribers and a special thanks to all of you who used the "forward to a friend" link at the bottom of this newsletter because a majority of the new subscribers came from your referrals! Thank you!

This January I traveled further and wider than usual with 3 seminars in Massachusetts, one in western New Jersey (just a coin's throw away from Pennsylvania), and one in northern Virginia. All those miles were well worth it as I got to meet a lot of wonderful people, including some long-time AgeWiseLiving friends. In April, I'll be traveling even further. As you can see from the "upcoming speaking & seminars" list, I will be in San Diego to speak at the National Association of Geriatric Care Managers Western Conference.

Want even more valuable information from AgeWiseLiving? Now you can through my monthly column in the National Association of Baby Boomer Woman newsletter. For more information about NABBW, check out this month's FYI . . . .

I've also been given as a Valentine's gift! A woman gave herself and her 2 sisters Generational Coaching so they could help their parents before a crisis. I encourage you to give the gift of love, too. Don't let someone you love struggle alone. Remember, all Generational Coaching is by phone so location and time zones aren't an issue.

I'm delighted and gratified with all the interest the "THE 2-STEP PROCESS TO AGREEMENT" has generated. Now that you know what to do, I won't make you wait any longer. Read on for Step 2 - how to help your loved ones do what's in their best interest. Or as Paul Harvey would say, "the rest . . . . of the story"!

Until next time, Happy Valentine's Day!

Lights! Camera! Action! Barbara Interviewed for NBC Nightly News!

I was recently interviewed for NBC Nightly News! for a segment in a week-long series about the Sandwich Generation and the added stress faced by women caught between raising their kids and taking care of aging parents. It was quite an exciting experience! Please write me and tell me if you saw it in your area.

ARTICLE: STEP 2: REACHING AGREEMENT

As you may remember, "THE 2-STEP PROCESS TO AGREEMENT" is a process that consists of 1) helping your aging parents determine what they want, and 2) helping them get it.

Step 1 consists of:
a) Opening the lines of communication with your elderly parents through a series of conversations to help you discover and understand your Vicky-D's generational, emotional, and personal values and expectations; so you can

b) Find out what your aging parents truly want for the 3rd half of their lives; and then

c) Analyze your parent's list and determine the central themes - their underlying core desires. (To refresh yourself on the details of the process, please check out the October, November, December, and January issues on the Newsletters of this website.)

Step 2, then, is coming up with creative ways to help them get what they want - and is also in their best interest.

In the last newsletter, we looked at an actual client situation of mine - family members who were genuinely concerned about their 93-year old mother. They wanted their mother to be safe and secure and "well taken care of" - as did their mother. Conflicts arose, however, as to how to achieve what was really in her best interest - so much conflict, in fact, that their mother refused to speak to them. Unfortunately, this kind of impasse often happens when each "side" stakes their claim to a specific solution and are unable to conceive of other options or even shades of gray.

Once the family was able to complete Step 1, the next task was to help the family see that they actually agreed with their mother on the core, shared goals - that their mother be safe and secure and "well taken care of". At that point, they were able to brainstorm and come up with some creative options that satisfied everyone's concerns and needs. From there, the family and I worked together to create a long-term plan as well as several interim contingency plans and I coached them on the most effective way to present and discuss it with their mother. Here's what they all agreed to:

~ She will stay in her own home and 2 of her great-grandchildren will live with her while they attend a college nearby.

~ In exchange, these great grandchildren will help her with the house-hold chores and will teach her how to use the computer so she can explore genealogy websites and research her family history - a long-held secret desire

~ If and when more care is needed, she will hire a home care aide

~ To combat loneliness, she will go to the local senior center during the week

~ When the 2 great-grandchildren graduate from college, she will move into an assisted living community near her family.

~ With the help of her family, she will sort through and distribute her belongings

As it turns out, several members of her family are also interested in the family genealogy and will record her stories as she sorts through her belongings. And plans are being made for a multi-generational 'field trip' to Ireland next Fall to do some on-site family genealogical research.

As for "dancing with Harry" (her diseased husband), once she and her family worked things out, she didn't talk about it again - though the family continues to monitor the situation.

Additionally, they all agreed to review the arrangements every 3 months to make sure that everything is on track and that the arrangements continue to work for everyone.

And her desire to learn to tap-dance? She recruited enough other seniors for the senior center to bring in a dance instructor. They even started a tap-dancing "troupe" - doing some of the routines sitting on chairs! I'm told the troupe has grown and, according to one member "It's a hoot!"

How did your conversations turn out? Each situation is unique - as is each family dynamic. The important thing to remember is that this is a process. Each step is important and can't be skipped or rushed. But with time, patience, and the best interest of your parent one in mind, the results are worth it! And, if you need help, remember, I'm just a phone call away!

FYI . . . National Association of Baby Boomer Women

38 million of the healthiest, wealthiest, and best educated generation of women to ever hit midlife - Baby Boomer women - now have The National Association of Baby Boomer Women devoted to addressing their issues and concerns. Lots of interesting information including monthly articles by a panel of experts on such topics as boomer humor, contemporary concerns, empty nest, self promotion and internet marketing, women's law, women in transition, and eldercare (me!), to name a few. You can join NABBW and/or sign up for the free monthly newsletter at http://nabbw.com.

Upcoming Seminars

For lots more information about this and many other important eldercare issues, attend an AgeWiseLiving™ seminar. For upcoming dates and locations, please go to Seminars. Space is filling fast, though, so reserve your space now!

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