Greetings!

I've just returned from a whirlwind trip to San Diego where I was a keynote speaker at the Western Regional Professional Geriatric Care Managers annual conference and the reviews are in . . . .

"I really enjoyed your talk, and heard from many afterward who found it really interesting and best of all - really USEFUL to their practices! Praise most high, from a care manager."

High praise indeed! Thanks Amy Abrams and all the Geriatric Care Managers who made it such a wonderful experience.

In last month's newsletter, we looked at how to disburse family possessions in a way that preserves both the future and the past. Hopefully you had a chance to start the process with your family. During the process, did the phrase "One person's trash is another person's treasure" cross your mind? Did you come across some of your aging parent's "treasures" that left you scratching your head? If so, this month's article will help you help your elderly parent sort through - and dispose of - some of these "treasures" as well!

Until next month, Enjoy . . .

ARTICLE: TRASH OR TREASURE: DE-CLUTTERING THAT PRESERVES THE MEMORIES

Do you have a "memory box" filled with treasures such as a corsage from your high school prom, your Girl Scout badge sash, old Valentine's cards, a napkin from your wedding, ticket stubs from your first pro ball game, or your baby's first shoes? While this "stuff" may look like junk to others, to you these mementoes represent precious memories, the story of your life - what I call the "family fortune".

Now imagine having to go through these treasures and deciding what to keep and what to give up. That's the overwhelming and emotional task your aging parent faces when preparing to move. In fact, for many, this is so overwhelming and emotional they are unable or unwilling even to start.

If you're a family member and you want to help your elderly parent with this task, what do you do? That was the problem a brother and sister in California were facing when they called me.

About 4 years ago, their mother and father had moved from their big family home into a smaller home nearby and easily got rid of about 2/3 of their possessions such as furniture and books. When their father died 2 years later, their mother was enthusiastic about moving into a small apartment in a seniors complex. The house was sold and the siblings agreed to help their mother pack and move. When they arrived with boxes in hand, they were astonished to discover how much "stuff" she had. The son made an offhand comment that, rather than packing boxes, they should have just arranged for a big dumpster. At that point, their mother refused to proceed! With progress at a standstill, and less than a month before the house had to be emptied, the siblings called me.

My first task was to help them understand the significance of all their mother's "stuff" - and how much it meant to her. Once the they understood that often it's not so much about the actual item as it is about the memory and the story that goes with it, and that people will more likely let go of something if they are able to "hand off " the memory, they created a plan. In this case, because time was quickly running out, they decided that the first step should be to help their mother sort and box up everything by generation (eg: everything of their mother and father's together, everything of grandparents together, etc.) and take the boxes to the siblings' houses. Then, after the move, they would bring 1-2 boxes at a time to their mother's new apartment and videotape her stories while she sorted through the boxes.

Then together we "scripted" a series of conversations for the siblings to have with their mother to convey their respect for her treasures and get her excited again about the move. They were thrilled when she eagerly re-engaged, and even made improvements to the plan! Rather than using a video camera, she decided to get a digital camera and tape recorder with the idea to create a scrapbook with pictures and her narrative for her grandchildren.

Some of the items she kept and some she gave to her children. However, once the memory was preserved, she willing disposed of the rest. She threw out quite a lot and the rest was donated to a local school, the nearby library, and a senior center tag sale. And because the move had already been made, they were able to proceed at a leisurely pace.

In this case, time was of the essence and they had to move quickly. Yet they were still able to make the move happen and find the time they needed to preserve the family history. Why wait for a move? This is a process that takes time so why not start saving your family's fortune now. If you don't know how or where to start with your own unique situation, please give me a call and see how Generational Coaching can help you resolve your situation by choice, not crisis.

FYI . . . Doing the Right Thing: Taking Care Of Your Elderly Parents Even If They Didn't Take Care Of You

If you are now or have ever been a caregiver, this book is a must read! In Doing the Right Thing, Dr. Satow takes you through the journey of caregiving by outlining its unique challenges and offering practical as well as emotional solutions on such topics as setting limits, getting angry and getting over it, feeling guilty and forgiving yourself, and relationships that offer support or create conflict. Lots of great information and easy to read. You can find more information about Doing the Right Thing, at http://www.robertasatow.com.

Upcoming Seminars

For lots more information about this and many other important eldercare issues, attend an AgeWiseLiving seminar. For upcoming dates and locations, please go to Seminars. Space is filling fast, though, so reserve your space now!

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